what she meant to say...

what she meant to say was...
i just had to stop you
and tell you
what beautiful girls you have.

what she meant to say was...
the older one,
her smile is infectious,
she is beautiful.

what she meant to say was...
the younger one,
her laugh made my little girl giggle from three aisles over,
she is beautiful.

what she meant to say was...
i wish i could sit and have coffee with you.
i wish i knew your story.
i wish i knew what compels you to love the way you do.

what she meant to say was...
my little girl and i
we walked past you a number of times this evening
each time... you were smiling or laughing.

what she meant to say was...
i hope that someday my relationship with my little girl
grows into something as beautiful

what she meant to say was...
i'm so sorry for keeping you
i just wanted to say,
what a joy it was to hear you and your girls this evening.


three months

16 lbs. 2 oz.
you smile and giggle
you want attention and hate to be ignored (that doesn't fare well as a third child little man)
you are still up every three hours at night... you've slept until 4 am ONCE!
you're 3-6 month clothes are getting tight
you love to play under your gym and it gives good protection from the craziness
you smile at the camera (or my phone) which i love 
(soon enough you'll be on to me and stop looking all together)
you like to be tickled
you can stand to have clothes over your head or your had over your eyes...
you like to see what's going on
i've heard you look a little like me!

*i'm not sure where your "official" three month picture is... 
this one from my phone will have to work
quite honestly i can't believe you have three months in a row!


one month

one month

you are 11 pounds 4 ounces.
you eat every three hours (at least).  you get slightly cranky if it gets close to the three hour mark and i'm not near you.  you are good at letting me know that you are READY!  you are probably going to have to have a loud voice in order to be heard over the daily chaos around this joint.

you only sleep for 2 to 3 hour stretches.  i've heard the bigger babies are good sleepers.  this is NOT the case with you.  although, you might sleep for a longer stretch if i held you the entire time!  you love to cuddle and i need to be better about soaking in all of your newborn-ness.  

the days just seem to be filled with daily chores and crazy brothers that require lots of attention.  i wish i could install a pause button on each of you.  then i would just push it when i need to tend to each of your individual needs and you wouldn't realize that i'm always busy and running from task to task and little boy to little boy.  (i also might push all THREE pause buttons and take a nap!)  i don't want to miss out on your sweet little self... it's going too fast!

i need to be honest.  i'd like to sleep a little more.  but i do love squishing on you... even at two in the morning.  i love our little bond.  you aren't a huge fan of dad yet.  the other boys can't wait for him to get home and run the second he comes in the door.  it's sweet and someday that will be you too, i'm sure of it!  for now though... i'm loving that you prefer me and the way you burry your head in my shoulder when i pick you up... makes it all worth it!  love you aj!

two months

two months

i think i could start each post that way...  ah!  _______ months already!  but for realz.  it goes fast.  i mean most of it goes fast.  the middle of the night feedings and lack of sleep kind of drag on.  but the rest of it... goes fast!

at two months you are starting to show bits of your personality.  so far you've been super serious and honestly, a little cranky.  we are figuring each other out though.  you've been smiling some (even though we have to work pretty hard to get a little grin) and even cooing a bit.  you especially love smiling at jace.  i can try and try to get a reaction and the second he gets in your face, you light up.  it's sweet... if you like the abrasive-in your face-loud and crazy... type of attention.  i guess it's a good thing, you're going to have to get used to it with these two brothers of yours.

you are starting to sleep better at night.  you usually go to bed with the other boys and then wake up around 2 and again at 5.  you're up for the day by 8 (but so are the rest of us so that's ok!).  you sleep in your crib or in the swing most of the time.  i think you prefer to sleep on me... which i love... i just can't get much done while holding you!  i think you might end up being "worn" a lot.  we will see.  you are a cuddle bug just like your brothers... i think you all get it from your daddy!  his bubble is a little smaller than mine.

you are growing like a weed and only weigh one pound less than jace did when he was FOUR months old.  at your two month appointment you weighed in at 14 pounds and 5 ounces.  you are 23 inches long and in the 85% for both height and weight.  you are a big boy...  on your way to being a linebacker.  this works out nicely since clearly we are working on our own football team!  you're wearing 3-6 month clothes and they aren't any too big on you.  

you have bright blue eyes that smile way before we actually see a grin.  
you are a perfect fit for our family and we love you too pieces!

it's october.
time for my quarterly blog post.
not much has happened in the last few months.
we added another little man to our craziness.
we love him and have spent the last two months adjusting to a family of FIVE.
i'd love to blog on a weekly basis.
it's such a fun way to track memories.
let's be real.
i'd love to have my laundry done on a weekly basis, or scrub my toilets on a weekly basis, or take a shower on a weekly basis.
well... i do shower on a weekly basis.
at least once.
most weeks.  ;)
so i'm not really sure.

i'm posting this morning because the littlest man is already two months old!
i feel like i'm quickly forgetting everything!
i want to remember the little things...
which means they need written down somewhere.
so far i've just jotted them down in my planner, or on a scratch piece of paper.
i'm afraid those will disappear.
so... i thought i'd do a little web documenting.
i was going to start his scrapbook and write it there.
but they change things all.the.time so...
the second i get on the ball and write it all out,
the website will change and discontinue what i use.

i thought i'd do a little blog post.
mostly because i want to be able to look back and remember.
at least remember a little.

maybe i'll start by working backwards


dear jace,

happy four years!  i always hear people say, "i can't believe you're already _____ years old!  just seems like yesterday..."  it does feel that way at times.  i can remember that point in our lives vividly... anxiously awaiting our little boy and feeling scared to death about being first time parents.  you surprised us and made a grand entrance 9 days early.  it was probably a good thing you came that way... you were just preparing me for all of the other times that things just weren't going to "happen according to kim's plan".

we thought you were the cutest baby EVER and couldn't believe they just let us leave the hospital with you.  your dad drove so slowly.  i remember him being nervous about you being in the backseat of the car he was driving.  ha!  oh the days.  now he tears around on the four-wheeler with you and is crazy just because he likes to hear you laugh!  he even lets you drive sometimes... that's enough to make a mom nuts!

a lot has happened in your four years.  it's not just you anymore... you spend your days being a big brother to jaron and soon enough you'll be a big brother times two.  we've moved out of town.  i don't think you even remember being a "town" kid.  ;)  you love the "farm" life and i wouldn't pick anything else for you at this point.  i get to stay home with you EVERY DAY now!  that was a big change.  you spent your first years with a working mommy and daddy.  now you get  to be with me pretty much 24/7... lucky duck you!  ;)

all of that... in just your four years.

on the other hand... it seems like much longer then four years.  i can't remember much before you.  we joke about what we "did with our time" before kiddos.  most of my life was without kiddos.  yet...  most of my life started after having you.  that sounds like a jumbled mess... but someday you'll understand.

you've taught me so much in the last four years.  taught me what it means to love at a new level.  taught me about patience (and especially about how much i need to work in that area of my life!).  you have challenged me and pushed me out of my "i like things organized and in a certain order" box.  you are continually teaching me about boys and how they operate (although... i'm not sure i'll ever fully understand).    i love you and am thankful (most days) for how you are growing me.  because of you... i want to be a better mommy and a better wife.  i want to be an example for you and to you.  i love you.